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LUV IN THE RUINS

by CARE

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  • Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Digital download includes LUV IN THE RUINS Interactive PDF, featuring the photography of Chris Cox alongside annotated album texts. An intimate and illuminating companion to LUV IN THE RUINS. Open with Adobe Reader for full functionality.

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  • LUV IN THE RUINS Pre-order

    This limited edition artbook merges annotated album texts with Chris Cox's photography to further unravel LUV IN THE RUINS. Printed on high quality papers, the 52-page volume is the album's sole physical iteration. Includes a cache of full quality audio files.

    Limited to 50 editions. Orders ship January 2017.

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credits

released January 6, 2017

CARE is Justin Majetich and collaborators:

Josiah Majetich - Acoustic Drums and Percussion
Jacob Bullard - Bass and Guitar
Brad Fritcher - Trumpet
Kandin Unger - Flute
Kyle Luck - Bass
Jackson Hall - Guitar
Curt Oren - Baritone Saxophone
Austin Kane - Recording Engineering and Equipment
Alex Previty - Drum Mixes
KT Pipal - Mixing
Mike Tierney - Mastering
Chris Cox - Photography

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CARE New York, New York

LUV IN THE RUINS

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Track Name: Switzerland
The lake is first, a perfect plane
for all my sophic shamelessness to dissipate
but the lake is not a baptismal
no vast religious metaphor

and I am not contingent nor innate
a figure at the shoreline
figure at the mountain’s base

oh my transgressive pilgrimage
my lovesick body torn like bread

Laura is a mystic at NYU
jewel of a misty eye, dyslexic lover
contented by none though mourning for one

but up here on this mountain, seven stories high
you shrug your grief like negligee
as we wander from the village light

your Brooklyn lips, my nowhere mouth
you kiss me where the houses part

you held our tiny bodies together through our coats
I remember your lips, how they felt distinct and cold
all of my moonlush lovers once my daylight friends
exhausted by all of my means and misplaced ends

never dreamt beside
never dreaming beside
I wanna be the one that almost kills you
I wanna die in all your dreams

at one unconscious peak
a woman between twin streams
she says, “this place has been called ‘shelter’
in helter skelter disbelief”

and waking I am so relieved
to learn you took an early train
I wanna be alone today and always
in solitude and grace
in solitude and silent grace

I am not in love

when the world is close
not drawn out in light
not infinite in black
I am enough for it
Track Name: Moonlight
Slumber is a stranger when you’re on my mind
amble in the moonlight just to pass the time
call me on the weekends, baby
it’s your calling that keeps haunting me

once I have you back, you can never leave
everlasting visions, you are all I see
love takes sacrifice
won’t you be my little lamb, so puerile

know you are my woman
and I’ll always treat you right
Track Name: You Hallucinate
Laura don’t you label me a lapse
in your sexual orientation
even if I’m gendered as you claim
I’m more than your sum of construction

and you're so unembarrassing
embarrassing to me

Laura can’t you comprehend a lie
no I don’t hate you
and I will never hate you
but I just wanna hate you
I just wanna hurt

can you turn your back on this dysphoric class?
you’re just as fucked up as the friends you keep
I see you’ve been tweeting every step of your collapse
but haven’t texted me back

these friends they seem so temptingly disposable
when they demonize my weaknesses
just know I could lose you all this moment
and never skip a beat

magnified by your mania
you are my totem
you are my cosmic sense
terrified of a terminus
it’s like ego death or eat ur <3

crucified by heredity
you get so hung up on your family tree
don’t you go and self-destruct for your father’s sake
it’s so fruitless, fruitless, fruitlessness

desperately I wish I could convince myself you care
but your composure says you’re gonna kill me, baby
I felt so gruesome at the party when you asked me to leave

tell me, is it true? are you impossible to keep
am I so selfish to assume your love
just know I have catalogued all of your evils
and worship every one

you wanna murder our friends
I wanna dig the hole
you wanna eat all your meds
I wanna finger your throat

I wanna murder our friends
you’ll keep’em after all
I wanna meet all your pets
you wanna kill my dog
Track Name: Solitude
It’s as simple as it sounds
it’s the blood below your beltline
and it’s your blood that’s in my mouth
I could spit it but I won’t

your jetlagged eyes
and your dogeared smile
I was enamored by you
now estranged by myself

impossible, your expectations, don’t you know?

well, is it possible that you and I
could be something less
than what we’ve been

the light fixture hangs like a noose
amidst the partygone people and partygone friends
well I’m pretty sure you were losing your mind
locked in the bathroom upstairs you were falling apart from me

so up to the attic I go, where friends they are
smoking down under the glow of christmas lights
there’s Jackson and Jenna and Robbie and Rachel
and Derek and Maggie and Jem Jem and Josie
is sounding a trumpet for all of us now
can’t you hear it so anciently peal through the silence of
first snows and dead kids with delicate boyfriends?
it signals a passage from all that I’ve loved and I’ll never be back

all of your friends move away
there are better things
sure there are, but what does that change
when all of the houses we filled
with music and food are empty

and going home feels like a waste
your parents are together still, love you still, great
but not enough to fill the abyss
that widens and hisses beneath you

ya home is a hole in my head
I’m bleeding out memory and
language itself is never sufficient to fill
the absence we trail behind us

and each furtive walk in the woods
leaves me unhinged at the thought of its finitude

no I can’t stay too long
just wanted to say I care
just want you to know I’m here

father who art, I’m sorry about
the way that I’m living, ungracious and crude
but all of the loudness and people I love
couldn’t contain all the feels that I’m feeling
that’s the bottom fucking line

Solitude hangs like a moon
over the disciplined people
and diligent friends of mine
waning from crescent to newness
the silent and celibate sign of the spirit

maybe it’s holy, maybe it’s good
maybe it’s holy, maybe it’s good
maybe it’s holy, maybe it’s nothing
maybe I’m horny, maybe it’s good

you came

and after all the guests have left
isolation beckons you
to endure it, can you endure me?

dissonant and self-obstructive
Track Name: Netcong
Fingering the skin drawn taut from rib to rib
and fumbling to scroll your hands
they feel real

but how am I to know a language when the body’s
only forty pixels wide
are you in the image of you?

you call me as the light is lain upon the lip
of open-mouthed evening
there’s life in the ruins of luv

I know it’s hard to resurrect
the arrogance we shared before
but I’d trade mine to know
that I’m alright with you

the trash compacted in a laugh
dispersed upon a second glance
catch your image in the glass
your body no longer seems definite

on a low-lit Megabus
measuring my worth by the length of a name

and if a name is what it takes
well I need to hear yours
there is no reference to align
but all of the things that you’ve said
amalgamate meaning
and fuck with my head

the mauvest mouth I’ve ever seen
well you must cry online sometimes
our world it glistens by the fire
and our love is purest when burning it down

and as the coals
lose their glow
well it gets so cold

is there no liberating power
in all of the violence that love provides?

in a moment of calm
all pretense annulled
our arrogance disposed
all of the pain that you hold
comes flowing like water
over my hands

you’re free

watch me like a lucky cloud
like a lost and listless lover watches
unfamiliar ceilings turn into
the vertigos of seeping dawn

stabbing your arm with a fork
dotting your i’s with a knife
hold me like you hold your head
simple like it sounds

like you hold two hands
like tiny little shields
around a mangled flame
Track Name: Amethyst
Amethyst to soothe you
jade to splice the spine
the blossoms on your birthday
were strewn about the sidewalk by mine

I think I feel it all

I hate to call you sweetheart
I hate to call you friend
I love to call you Laura
your cadence lends a little calm
to my restless
to my too intense
to my highstrung
to my stupid little head

I need to know your blood type
I need to take your pills
to synchronize our saddest nights
and throw our darkest visions to the wind

I feel it picking up

petulant shrug
petals clung to your sneakers
passing out on an underground train
there is nothing in our hands

sibilant speech
beneath a canopy of doom
you affirm all my quietest parts
in the darkness of your room

brute black hair in the basins of your flesh
don’t quench my immolated ego wanes
buried in your arms tonight

I don’t wanna talk about your past anymore

we name your father Lilian
then drown him in a pool
nothing in the night dissents
the multiverse keeps spinning to your mood

you try and take my picture
I cover up my face
as if to shirk or demure such a permanent
trace of myself in your gaze

well I cannot complain
you can take my picture
anytime that you’d like
anytime, I don’t mind

when you kiss me there is a moon
where the sun once hung in the sky
and I know it’s a mode of desire
Track Name: Jade
Praise the head with severed neck
no pleasure without consequence
you test my lust for men against
the texture of your tersest kisses

you can shave my head next to the stove
ashamed of our anatomies
my sex is lapsing
crying in the kitchen
well you know what I mean

your father named you Lyssa
to patronize your rage
well it does

I change my name to Laura
on a whim

as thunder masks a morning rain
the saxophone abstracts the player’s pain

cut your hand to prove your brand
of self-destruction’s more intense
I fold, I walk
the several blocks to buy another purple bottle

love is dull
but don’t it drive a knife
to know your soul is a disclosure
so easily declined

but I’ll try my best to mellow down
on our way to David’s place
there’s a party, I feel obstinate
I’ll feel better when I’m with your friends
no better when I’m finally

but your friends are so insufferable
so insular, so pure white boredom
alchemizing hollow joy
from limerence and cheap tequila

but me, I’m just an anxious prawn
a vassal of your validating
glance into a crowded room
you’re calm for me, I’m work for you

but can drugs revise the night, ignite these
half-cocked plans, these hands polite, un-
locked inside the bathroom well
I don’t care, I don’t really care

if god had come unhinged the door
to Christ my sin, to climb your roof
well moored in waves moony glow
see the Kingdom lain in gold
Track Name: Unfamiliar Ceiling
Gold dust on your pillowcase
do you always grate your teeth beside me?

no rest in a ruined luv
your damages and disembodied breathing

and you’re not so sure we’re working
anymore I feel fucked

just hold still and concentrate
you can almost taste
Track Name: Icon
Hard to say
something bout the seventh day
something bout your restless eyes
on the morning when you wake up
and I’m not alive

comedy or tragedy
either way it’s a masterpiece to me

but it’s childish
your self-crucifixion
on a cross made of privilege
keep your art roped around your throat
and a hand always at your member

shut your mouth you stupid boy
you’re mine, you know you’re mine
and don’t endanger that

self is not material for
everything I create
still I can’t seem to frame
how you ruptured mine

of all the hapless humans here in New York
you are the one I choose to love
Track Name: Insomnia
Completely black but mostly gold
grotesque in form but perfectly designed

concrete and cocaine
agoramanic
reads like a Kafka
sounds like an Ives

well I got up and walked toward the river in the dark
where I could see the entirety

loquacious digits of the deaf blithely
tickle the burns all down your back

jewel of an eye
don’t let me down
I don’t wanna die

Switzerland seems like a dream now heavenly in retrospect
the vision of 100 reapers grim but grinning around the bed

honestly, kissing you was easier with them around
now everything I say or do seems a little bit insincere

David found a body in the brush behind his studio
some Bushwick kid fell off the roof his bicycle still locked out front

Laura knows just what to say to raise the dead, to operate
the peace inside her mouth only enough to soothe a single sour night

maybe he’s just a number
maybe these things still matter
remember I said I’d clean up
well I’m not so sure that’s happening

another headless weekend
another coked up yuppie
a bullet in the muscle
a steel blade in the gut

of everyone you care for
of everyone you’ve numbered
of every choked up yuppie
too proud to hide their face

I can feel my shadow mount
the saddle of my psyche
and I know something’s changed

you’re shallowing your breath
and now you’re waking up with bruises
I know I have changed

jewel of an eye don’t let me die
Track Name: Mangled Flame
Birds, do you hear birds? birthing the
morning the dawning Messiah
but there’s nothing faithful to my knees on the concrete

the bodies are there, all in a row, under black plastic
you thought they looked heavy like the fields in a Rothko
but I’d lost my taste for all that abstraction

a morning rain is last
the last of these baptismal symbolisms
a rain to snuff the flame
love with fail
every time

but every time it does
the world will offer a closeness
no love was ever lost
just painfully rearranged

step to the veil, pull it aside, there’s nothing behind it
oh would you touch me? I just feel so unlovely

all that you are and all that I want are calmly converging
no I wasn’t kidding when I said you could kill me

all this way just to find an instance of you

Rothko himself, found dead in his home,
his blood ripe with benzos
I mistake evil for some aching perfection

we all have the right to end our own lives

call your mom, call her out, tell her off
she was wrong bout the world
she was wrong bout you, girl

I loved it